Daughter. Not a very difficult word. But for a long time for me, it was. I never liked the word. I grew up around a bunch of boys. I was the only female cousin. That made family events hard. All the "boys" would do their boy things, but I wasn't quite old enough to sit at the table and talk with the "ladies". I felt alone because of it. Left out. But more than that, left out because I didn't quite measure up. Not quite good enough for anything. So, for me, being a daughter was not what it was cracked up to be.
Then came Rick. He reminds me so much of my Dad and he says I remind him of his daughter, Micki (which I do, Micki and I are like sisters separated at birth!). It started a little jokingly, but now it fits because it's as real as real can get, but I would call him "Dad" or "Daddy" when I would see him and he would call me "Daughter". At first I remember thinking "Daughter? Why would he call me that where there are so many other great words he could use?" But, part of me liked it because when he said "Daughter" it was spoken with such love and joy, it made it a sweet word. And it's stuck ever since.
Then one day a few weeks ago I went looking for one of my favorite passages in Scripture. I love Dr. Luke's account of the woman who had been bleeding for 12 years with no relief. I always found a reflection of myself in her story. This particular day I was having an extremely difficult time dealing with a physical issue that I had been battling for nearly a year, with very little relief. So I went to my favorite lady from scripture to gain a little encouragement to get through the physical agony of the upcoming day.
I flipped open my Bible and found the familiar pages of Luke 8: 42b- 48.
"As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him. And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her. She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped.
'Who touched me?' Jesus asked.
When they all denied it, Peter said, 'Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you.'
But Jesus said, 'Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me.'
Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told him why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. Then he said to her, 'Daugher, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.'"
My eyes locked on the word. Daughter. Right there in black and white. Jesus called her Daughter. He knew her name. He knew that she was the one who had touched Him, even prior to her confession. He could have called her a thousand different names, but He chose Daughter.
And for the first time, I saw that word as a wonderful, beautiful thing. I realized that the way that Rick calls me Daughter, which such joy and love and acceptance, is just a small glimmer at how God calls me Daughter. I realized, that even though her faith had healed her, He loved the sick woman as she was, with her illness and all. He loves her sick and He loves her well, nothing can make Him love her less.
And at that moment, I realized that God loves me like that, too. Sick or healthy, He loves me. He loves me when I look and feel healthy and beautiful and He loves me when I can hardly stand to be in this physical body any longer and am longing to go Home.
The word Daughter has taken such new meaning for me. I love it that God calls me Daughter. And I love it how I can hear a glimmer of His glorious voice in Rick's voice when he calls me by the name that God has given me.
I am taking to heart the whole sentence that Jesus said to the sick woman. "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace." So much comes from that little sentence. It's like God wrote it just for me. "Daughter", that's who I really, truly am. "Your faith has healed you", I'm trying to keep the faith that you will continue to bring about healing to this earthly body, Lord, until You take me to my eternal home. "Go in peace", my life's journey. Peacemakers who sow in peace will raise a harvest of righteousness (James 3:18) and the fruit of that righteousness will be peace; its effect will be quietness and confidence forever (Isa 32: 17). Shalom.
Friday, June 22, 2012
Thursday, June 21, 2012
The Resurrected Family Part 1: Ponderings of Restoration
I am convinced that God is nothing short of amazing. He is able to take the most broken, destroyed, thrown away things and turn them into something more beautiful than could ever be imagined. All I have to do is take a look at my life, at the true testimony that God gave me to see how miraculously He works in our lives. I want for nothing more than for the life I live to glorify Him.
To say that I grew up in a dysfunctional home is to chip the iceberg. I remember how we would joke about how dysfunctional we were, like it would make it better, less dysfunctional, normal. I had no idea then, but the upbringing I received would effect me into adulthood. It left each of us with more wounds and scars than we could possibly imagine. Some how we became messed up beyond comprehension and our own ability to mend the hurts. Or at least it did me.
I ended up like a piece of broken pottery. Just shards of brokenness. Missing who know how many pieces. Some of my first memories were of this very brokenness. For a long time it was so painful to look back on those memories, all I could do was do my best to suppress them and pretend that they never happened.
In the end, our family finally ended up physically broken. My parents divorced, I had issues with each parent (my relationship with my Mom took the worst beating; we hardly spoke for nearly 3 years) and there grew to be a large gap, both physical and emotional, between my once close brother and I.
But He gives us more grace. God has been so good to bring me healing and restoration. The last few years especially. I have been freed from some mighty strong strongholds and have had countless bad feelings attached to countless bad memories wiped away by the very fingertips of the Lord. And I have seen how He restores.
God doesn't just restore. He RESTORES! Scripture is right when it says that He gives you double for your trouble. He not only will restore back what was lost, but will give you extras. These extras are not to reward you for getting through the hard stuff, but He gives them to us just because He loves us. I have never seen God's love more strongly than I have these last few years.
The restoration I've received has helped to change the person I am. I believe that you can not really have an encounter with God and not be permanently changed. And the change is always for the better. The change may be subtle and maybe only you or a few chosen will see it, but change none the less happens. A true relationship with God will always bring wholeness. A completeness that can't be found anywhere else. That is a true gift from God. For I was once like broken pottery, utterly ugly and useless with no true form; just fragments of what I was supposed to be. But, He is the ultimate Potter. He is the only Potter I know who can take broken pottery pieces and turn them back from fire-hardened pieces into soft, supple clay. And then take that clay and reform it into something more beautiful and more useful than before. Only He can make a life truly changed, every cell, from the inside out.
And the restoration that He brings is not just on the inside. It's on the outside, too. I can now boast that Christ is actively restoring all of my family. I have great relationships with both of my parents. My Mom, who I barely uttered a word to for so long, and I now talk multiple times each week, sometimes multiple times a day! And the deep conversations on Scripture we share, I wouldn't trade for all the yoga in India. My parents each remarried and I am so thankful that I those relationships are working toward restoration, too. I am very fortunate that my Step Dad is a shining example of what Christ can do when you let Him have His way. I am eagerly awaiting the day when my husband and my step father meet for the first time. And my distant brother is still physically distant, but God has opened doors of communication and we have spoken more in the last few weeks via a phone call and email than we have in the last few years. If that were not enough, God has brought another Godly couple into my life. I like to call them my Spiritual Parents. They are an extra mother and father, who, although we've only known each other for a short while, are like an extra set of parents to me. A couple who loves me unconditionally and I know I can call any time, day or night. God has used Rick and Eileen in so many ways to it encourage my walk with Christ. I often say I'm the luckiest girl in the world because I have 6 parents who love me unconditionally; all given to me by my Heavenly Father who loves me more than all 6 combined and multiplied by ten thousand. A far cry from a little girl who felt unlovable.
When I look back over my story, the story God gave me, I often have wondered why He had me go through such a difficult upbringing. Then when I see the good that He is doing in my life now, I understand why. It amazes me what He has done. Only He can get the glory for this. And that's how I want it.
To say that I grew up in a dysfunctional home is to chip the iceberg. I remember how we would joke about how dysfunctional we were, like it would make it better, less dysfunctional, normal. I had no idea then, but the upbringing I received would effect me into adulthood. It left each of us with more wounds and scars than we could possibly imagine. Some how we became messed up beyond comprehension and our own ability to mend the hurts. Or at least it did me.
I ended up like a piece of broken pottery. Just shards of brokenness. Missing who know how many pieces. Some of my first memories were of this very brokenness. For a long time it was so painful to look back on those memories, all I could do was do my best to suppress them and pretend that they never happened.
In the end, our family finally ended up physically broken. My parents divorced, I had issues with each parent (my relationship with my Mom took the worst beating; we hardly spoke for nearly 3 years) and there grew to be a large gap, both physical and emotional, between my once close brother and I.
But He gives us more grace. God has been so good to bring me healing and restoration. The last few years especially. I have been freed from some mighty strong strongholds and have had countless bad feelings attached to countless bad memories wiped away by the very fingertips of the Lord. And I have seen how He restores.
God doesn't just restore. He RESTORES! Scripture is right when it says that He gives you double for your trouble. He not only will restore back what was lost, but will give you extras. These extras are not to reward you for getting through the hard stuff, but He gives them to us just because He loves us. I have never seen God's love more strongly than I have these last few years.
The restoration I've received has helped to change the person I am. I believe that you can not really have an encounter with God and not be permanently changed. And the change is always for the better. The change may be subtle and maybe only you or a few chosen will see it, but change none the less happens. A true relationship with God will always bring wholeness. A completeness that can't be found anywhere else. That is a true gift from God. For I was once like broken pottery, utterly ugly and useless with no true form; just fragments of what I was supposed to be. But, He is the ultimate Potter. He is the only Potter I know who can take broken pottery pieces and turn them back from fire-hardened pieces into soft, supple clay. And then take that clay and reform it into something more beautiful and more useful than before. Only He can make a life truly changed, every cell, from the inside out.
And the restoration that He brings is not just on the inside. It's on the outside, too. I can now boast that Christ is actively restoring all of my family. I have great relationships with both of my parents. My Mom, who I barely uttered a word to for so long, and I now talk multiple times each week, sometimes multiple times a day! And the deep conversations on Scripture we share, I wouldn't trade for all the yoga in India. My parents each remarried and I am so thankful that I those relationships are working toward restoration, too. I am very fortunate that my Step Dad is a shining example of what Christ can do when you let Him have His way. I am eagerly awaiting the day when my husband and my step father meet for the first time. And my distant brother is still physically distant, but God has opened doors of communication and we have spoken more in the last few weeks via a phone call and email than we have in the last few years. If that were not enough, God has brought another Godly couple into my life. I like to call them my Spiritual Parents. They are an extra mother and father, who, although we've only known each other for a short while, are like an extra set of parents to me. A couple who loves me unconditionally and I know I can call any time, day or night. God has used Rick and Eileen in so many ways to it encourage my walk with Christ. I often say I'm the luckiest girl in the world because I have 6 parents who love me unconditionally; all given to me by my Heavenly Father who loves me more than all 6 combined and multiplied by ten thousand. A far cry from a little girl who felt unlovable.
When I look back over my story, the story God gave me, I often have wondered why He had me go through such a difficult upbringing. Then when I see the good that He is doing in my life now, I understand why. It amazes me what He has done. Only He can get the glory for this. And that's how I want it.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Yoga and Christian Contemplation Retreat at The Monastery of The Holy Spirit
I had the most wonderful time at The Monastery of The Holy Spirit in Conyers, GA a few weeks ago. I went for the weekend Yoga and Christian Contemplation retreat and had an amazing time! The Monastery is the most peaceful, restful place on the planet. I have never been able to slow down and come to such a place of peace in my body, mind and soul. I arrived on Friday evening stressed and wore out after a stressful week and left more relaxed than I've ever been.
The retreat was led by a wonder yoga teacher, Tyler, and a monk, Father Tom. The yoga that Tyler led us in was just up my ally, gentle with just enough challenge to keep it interesting. The contemplation talks that Father Tom gave were incredible. He is by far one of the most interesting men I'd ever listened to. When he spoke it was as if he was about to spill long kept holy secrets to unlock the universe; he had you captivated with every word he spoke.
The meditation talks were chocked full of well practiced knowledge and love making the principles easy to apply to out meditation practices. I went in with an open mind and realized that the style of meditation that I already practiced was in line with the teachings that were being discussed. It was a wonderful retreat to deepen my practice and come into deeper communion with God.
I learned so much in that short weekend. One of the biggest things that I took away from it is that God is everywhere all the time. I know that sounds rather elementary, but it come upon me afresh that weekend and continues to stay fresh. Father Tom had mentioned about how God is ever present, but He only chooses to manifest Himself at certain times and in certain ways. When we come into a time of meditation or contemplation with Him as our focus, we must remove any and all obstacles that hinder us from a closer, deeper relationship with God. Father Tom often reminded us that we need to come, as we are into the presence of God, just as He is. He talked about how really we can't begin to grasp God with our earthly minds and how ultimately, we don't even really know ourselves, so we must let go of everything, all previous knowledge or thoughts on who we are and who we THINK God is. Only then, after we have released ourselves from the bondage of what we think, are we really able to come into the presence of the Creator.
I spent many hours that weekend in prayer, and yoga and mediation practice, both in class and out of class. And I had gone into the weekend with the idea that this was a weekend away with God. And thought I was in the most peaceful place, with a calm mind, I was really shocked that I felt like I hadn't really "experienced" God. To be honest, I was a bit disappointed, but I consoled my spirit with the knowledge that the peace that I was able to experience was God. I realized that I was anticipating God to manifest Himself to me in a special way, as He had done before in my meditation practices. Then came Sunday morning. I had full intention of attending the mass service, but I just couldn't quite make the time lines (mass goes daily at 7am). Since I was running a bit behind I decided to spend some time alone with God in His Word at my favorite spot on the property, down by the lake. I grabbed my Bible and headed down. As I went down to the shore, God was waiting. It surprised me that I didn't "find" God in the yoga or meditation or even in the mass, but instead He met me right where I was down by the lake. We sat and watched the sun rise up over the lake together. Not a creature was stirring, no geese or ducks on the shore (which was the first time all weekend). Just peace and solitude. There was a fog over the lake as the sun rose quietly in the east. I don't remember what scriptures we read, but after we were done, eyes and heart wide open, I had what has become one of my favorite moments, just sitting quietly and being with God. Not expecting anything from Him, not feeling like I "had" to say anything. Just existing and basking in His Presence and love. It was at that moment that I was able to realize and put into practice everything that I had learned over the weekend.
No, not every practice has sweetness like that moment, but each meditation practice I do will bring my soul closer to Him and will give Him the opportunity to minister to my heart. I am so thankful for this trip and I can't wait to go back.
The view from my window. A view of the meditation garden
My home away from home, the Retreat House
The Front of the Church
It was still Easter season on my visit; this was the beautiful cross at the entrance to the church
The inside of the church, all the windows are covered in hand made stained glass made by the monks.
The court yard between the Retreat House and the Church. Heather and I ate a few meals out on the lanai on the left.
Above Left: One of my fav spots, beneath the ginkgo trees
Above right: A bench in the park like grounds
St. Francis decorated for Easter
The meditation garden behind the retreat house. Koi pond and the perfect spot to stop and chat with the Lord.
Left: Only when you slow down and become present in the moment and look around do you see lots of hidden treasures all around the monastery grounds.
Right: One of the stations of the cross along a trail in the woods by the lake.
The trail coming from the lake to the retreat house
Best morning ever.
Sunrise over the lake on Sunday morning. :) Peace and serenity, the way God intended.
The gifts God bought me for my yoga room: a monk made sand casted Holy Spirit symbol and an Israeli blue Shalom tile. <3 I had asked Him to find me something that had Shalom (my mantra and the prayer word I used all weekend in the meditation practices) on it and the first visit to the gift shops came up dry. The second and final visit to the gift shop, just before I left the Monastery, and lo and behold, my eye caught this tile. It wasn't there the afternoon before. Only God. :) <3
Saturday, May 12, 2012
James: Mercy Triumphs
James. I must admit that I never thought that I'd ever do a study on the book of James. Truth be told, I wasn't even that super interested in doing it when I heard that it was coming out. I knew it was time for another in depth study and since Amy wanted to do James, I was going to do it with her. As I sit and type this, I wonder which of us got more out of this study. God has really been working on me during this study. It's hard for me to determine if it was because of the study or if it was just because He's God and I just so happened to be in this book. It doesn't really matter, I suppose. Either way, He worked some wonders through me.
This study was built a little more different than previous Beth Moore studies. In James she created different levels of participation. Level 1 was just watching the videos. Level 2 was videos and homework (for those who have done a Beth Moore study in the past, you know the homework alone can be intense). Level 3 consisted of Levels 1 & 2 & handwriting the book of James. Level 4 was Levels 1-3 plus reading some articles Beth's daughter, Melissa, wrote and included in the workbook. And finally, Level 5 was all 4 levels plus memorizing the book of James. I thought the different levels were very interesting and I decided I'd go up to level 4. I was really going to push myself and try to hand write the book. I figured reading Melissa's short articles would be a breeze. I thought for sure those who chose to MEMORIZE the WHOLE book of James were out of their minds.
So, without knowing what to expect, I started handwriting the book of James. Slowly, painstakingly, I wrote every word that James penned so long ago. It was a very interesting process. I've never written down the scriptures that were used in Bible study before. Unless one jumped out that I wanted to write in my scripture spiral. This was a completely different exercise. God really used this time to help write these scriptures on my heart. At times it was it was difficult to force myself to do, but I also looked forward to it each day. It was a precious time that I got to spend with God. Forever more I will be able to look back at my own handwriting and see what God helped me accomplish and remember the sweet times that we have spent together going through those ancient words.
But God is still working on me. He's not done with me yet, Praise His Holy Name! It has been during this study that He showed me an area of my life that I needed to get under control. I'd tried and failed to do it under my own power. I'm learning that all spiritual issues are like that. But this issue needed more ammo. The battle was waging and I would quickly run out of my resources. God showed me that what I needed was to have a supply of spiritual weapons that would not run out: Scriptures. I thought I'd try to read my scripture cards more. Failed. I tried to pray more when I would come under the enemy's attack. Epic Fail plus mental exhaustion. One thing remained. Memorization. I wasn't sure why it kept coming up. Besides, I couldn't memorize. I've always struggled with it, all my life through school I struggled to memorize anything. There was no way I could memorize scripture. But more and more God pressed on my heart that He wanted to me get His book not just on my heart through writing James, but into my head by memorizing it. After a little time, what I thought was so crazy suddenly seemed sane. I guess that's what happens when you get pushed to the edge of something so much bigger than you. Things that used to seem way out there are really very much within reach. So, I started. Some days its a struggle. Some days I'm too mentally pooped to pick up my cards and try to remember more words. Some days I fall off the memorization waggon. But this I know: that He who created a good work in me will carry it on to completion and that He is using this task to renew my mind and help me to overcome some more strongholds.
I thought when we tackled a few Goliath sized strongholds that, those would be them. That I'd be free, finally. But, after one falls, another is brought up, and off to battle we go again. I am just so thankful that God will not stop working on me. I know He's making me into something beautiful for Him and I am so very thankful.
Finally, for His glory, my handwritten version of the book of James:
This study was built a little more different than previous Beth Moore studies. In James she created different levels of participation. Level 1 was just watching the videos. Level 2 was videos and homework (for those who have done a Beth Moore study in the past, you know the homework alone can be intense). Level 3 consisted of Levels 1 & 2 & handwriting the book of James. Level 4 was Levels 1-3 plus reading some articles Beth's daughter, Melissa, wrote and included in the workbook. And finally, Level 5 was all 4 levels plus memorizing the book of James. I thought the different levels were very interesting and I decided I'd go up to level 4. I was really going to push myself and try to hand write the book. I figured reading Melissa's short articles would be a breeze. I thought for sure those who chose to MEMORIZE the WHOLE book of James were out of their minds.
So, without knowing what to expect, I started handwriting the book of James. Slowly, painstakingly, I wrote every word that James penned so long ago. It was a very interesting process. I've never written down the scriptures that were used in Bible study before. Unless one jumped out that I wanted to write in my scripture spiral. This was a completely different exercise. God really used this time to help write these scriptures on my heart. At times it was it was difficult to force myself to do, but I also looked forward to it each day. It was a precious time that I got to spend with God. Forever more I will be able to look back at my own handwriting and see what God helped me accomplish and remember the sweet times that we have spent together going through those ancient words.
But God is still working on me. He's not done with me yet, Praise His Holy Name! It has been during this study that He showed me an area of my life that I needed to get under control. I'd tried and failed to do it under my own power. I'm learning that all spiritual issues are like that. But this issue needed more ammo. The battle was waging and I would quickly run out of my resources. God showed me that what I needed was to have a supply of spiritual weapons that would not run out: Scriptures. I thought I'd try to read my scripture cards more. Failed. I tried to pray more when I would come under the enemy's attack. Epic Fail plus mental exhaustion. One thing remained. Memorization. I wasn't sure why it kept coming up. Besides, I couldn't memorize. I've always struggled with it, all my life through school I struggled to memorize anything. There was no way I could memorize scripture. But more and more God pressed on my heart that He wanted to me get His book not just on my heart through writing James, but into my head by memorizing it. After a little time, what I thought was so crazy suddenly seemed sane. I guess that's what happens when you get pushed to the edge of something so much bigger than you. Things that used to seem way out there are really very much within reach. So, I started. Some days its a struggle. Some days I'm too mentally pooped to pick up my cards and try to remember more words. Some days I fall off the memorization waggon. But this I know: that He who created a good work in me will carry it on to completion and that He is using this task to renew my mind and help me to overcome some more strongholds.
I thought when we tackled a few Goliath sized strongholds that, those would be them. That I'd be free, finally. But, after one falls, another is brought up, and off to battle we go again. I am just so thankful that God will not stop working on me. I know He's making me into something beautiful for Him and I am so very thankful.
Finally, for His glory, my handwritten version of the book of James:
Monday, April 9, 2012
All I Can Do Is PRAISE!!!
Praise! Praise! Praise! Praise! PRAISE!!! That's all I can do right now. I feel like I've spent more time face down on the floor tonight than I have been sitting up. And those times that I have been sitting up, continuing about my business, my heart has been face down on the floor in praise. Now I know how Beth Moore feels when she says that she's so overcome with the need to prise God when she's writing that she types with only one hand because the other is raised in praise!
It is nothing short of AMAZING how God works. You ask Him for one thing. One small, thing. Something that there's no way you can do on your own and He goes and BLOWS YOUR MIND!!!! He says, "I'm not just going to give you this thing that you ask for, but I'm going to give you this, that, AND THE OTHER THING! Not because of you, but because I'm God and I'm GOOD!" Just when I think that He's working on one thing, He goes and starts doing a WHOLE bunch of other things that I figured weren't more important than what I know I needed.
Trust. I wrote it about a few days ago. WOAH! Let me tell you!!! Let me tell you! Let me tell you!!! I knew I couldn't do that one on my own. So I asked Him for His help because I'm such a screw up. I don't know where He finds value in me, but He does. Help me trust You, that was my prayer. WOAH! TOTALLY DIDN'T SEE THIS COMING TODAY!!! The focus, the intensity. That alone would have been enough. Then He goes and starts answering one prayer after another. Just when I think "this has got to be it for today", ANOTHER blessing! BLOWING MY MIND!!! It's hit me like a freight train. Like I'm a blind, deaf person walking down the tracks and WHAM-O!! I'm run over with these blessings I didn't see coming! These answers to prayers that I wondered if they would ever come to pass. Nothing short of AMAZING!
This evening, checking out Facebook. And I see the first edition of the e-newsletter from my church. It looks good. I read it. I don't even get half way though and it's like the Holy Spirit pushes me down!!! I couldn't get down on my face fast enough! Praise, Praise, PRAISE!!! After I recover a bit, I spread the latest of the good news. We text back and forth and decide that if someone doesn't remember the thing we want him to remember, we'll make sure he doesn't forget again. Within a few moments of that conversation, I'm flat on my face again. The Holy Spirit, the Great Reminder, has done his job! Totally didn't see that one coming.
It's getting late. Had to blog. Had to get this out. I'm torn between jumping up and down for joy or just turtling up again in PRAISE! HE IS SOOOOO GOOD!!!! Doing more than I can ask, seek or imagine. BLOWING MY MIND! He's got this thing. He's got me. Praise God! Praise God! Praise God! Holy, Holy, Holy!
It is nothing short of AMAZING how God works. You ask Him for one thing. One small, thing. Something that there's no way you can do on your own and He goes and BLOWS YOUR MIND!!!! He says, "I'm not just going to give you this thing that you ask for, but I'm going to give you this, that, AND THE OTHER THING! Not because of you, but because I'm God and I'm GOOD!" Just when I think that He's working on one thing, He goes and starts doing a WHOLE bunch of other things that I figured weren't more important than what I know I needed.
Trust. I wrote it about a few days ago. WOAH! Let me tell you!!! Let me tell you! Let me tell you!!! I knew I couldn't do that one on my own. So I asked Him for His help because I'm such a screw up. I don't know where He finds value in me, but He does. Help me trust You, that was my prayer. WOAH! TOTALLY DIDN'T SEE THIS COMING TODAY!!! The focus, the intensity. That alone would have been enough. Then He goes and starts answering one prayer after another. Just when I think "this has got to be it for today", ANOTHER blessing! BLOWING MY MIND!!! It's hit me like a freight train. Like I'm a blind, deaf person walking down the tracks and WHAM-O!! I'm run over with these blessings I didn't see coming! These answers to prayers that I wondered if they would ever come to pass. Nothing short of AMAZING!
This evening, checking out Facebook. And I see the first edition of the e-newsletter from my church. It looks good. I read it. I don't even get half way though and it's like the Holy Spirit pushes me down!!! I couldn't get down on my face fast enough! Praise, Praise, PRAISE!!! After I recover a bit, I spread the latest of the good news. We text back and forth and decide that if someone doesn't remember the thing we want him to remember, we'll make sure he doesn't forget again. Within a few moments of that conversation, I'm flat on my face again. The Holy Spirit, the Great Reminder, has done his job! Totally didn't see that one coming.
It's getting late. Had to blog. Had to get this out. I'm torn between jumping up and down for joy or just turtling up again in PRAISE! HE IS SOOOOO GOOD!!!! Doing more than I can ask, seek or imagine. BLOWING MY MIND! He's got this thing. He's got me. Praise God! Praise God! Praise God! Holy, Holy, Holy!
Monday, April 2, 2012
Authenticity, Trust and Peace
It's been heavy on my heart. Authenticity. Authentic is defined as genuine, real. It stems from the Greek word, authentikos, translated as original, primary, at first hand, the one who does things himself. The one who does things himself... That phrase seems stuck in my head. You can't be authentic unless you do it yourself. Unless it's real and legit.
I feel like we are in a world where authenticity is hard to find. So many people try to put on a front. They wear a mask to show only the parts of themselves that they want I have revealed to the rest of the world. I have grown to see how much a huge disservice that is to ourselves and our Creator. When we wear a mask, we distance ourself from our true self. When we distance ourselves from our true self, I believe that we also distance ourselves from God. I can't help but to think that God is looking down on us longing for us to hear His voice saying "You don't believe that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, just the way you are? Perfection through Christ? Come to Me and I will help you overcome your unbelief."
So, Lord, I come. Let it begin with me. Its time to take off masks and break the chains of spiritual strongholds. I'm sure that I've got some belief issues. God hasn't bought those to light just yet, but He has made me aware that I have some trust issues. Maybe this is why I've been thinking of trying new things. Old things actually, stuff I've tried before, but never really accomplished. Like headstands and Zumba. They require a certain level of trust. Trust in yourself. Trust in those around you. Trust that God has got your back while you're trying something new and scary (i.e. do it afraid). Trust that God is big enough and powerful enough to bring restoration and healing to all brokenness, be it physical, mental, spiritual or relational. You've done it before in me. Why can't/ won't I trust that You will do it again?
I listened to a sermon today while I was at work. The teacher made the connection between trust and worry. How really they are one in the same. That when you worry, your ultimately doing God a disservice because you're saying that you don't trust Him enough to take care of you and your situation. Those of you who are reading this and know me best know I'm a worry wort. Always have been. I don't plan on being this way forever. The teacher talked about how when you worry, you become anxious and how the anxiety is a result of not fully trusting God. That results in a lack of peace.
Peace. Shalom. My mantra. Now that I've been learning about for a couple of years. Why God chose to teach me about peace and residing in His peace before He started me on this journey on trust, I'm not sure. Peace and trust and authenticity. I'm not sure what this tapestry will look like when God is done, but I bet it will be beautiful. Until then, I am learning that I must come to God not only with unbelief issues, but trust issues, too. Every moment, every day. I believe that only He can release me from these these chains of bondage (ones that I didn't even know I had) so that I can continue to lift my hands to praise Him. Abba, Thank You for continuing to carry out this good work in me, making me more Christ-like, until the day of completion. Shalom!
I feel like we are in a world where authenticity is hard to find. So many people try to put on a front. They wear a mask to show only the parts of themselves that they want I have revealed to the rest of the world. I have grown to see how much a huge disservice that is to ourselves and our Creator. When we wear a mask, we distance ourself from our true self. When we distance ourselves from our true self, I believe that we also distance ourselves from God. I can't help but to think that God is looking down on us longing for us to hear His voice saying "You don't believe that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, just the way you are? Perfection through Christ? Come to Me and I will help you overcome your unbelief."
So, Lord, I come. Let it begin with me. Its time to take off masks and break the chains of spiritual strongholds. I'm sure that I've got some belief issues. God hasn't bought those to light just yet, but He has made me aware that I have some trust issues. Maybe this is why I've been thinking of trying new things. Old things actually, stuff I've tried before, but never really accomplished. Like headstands and Zumba. They require a certain level of trust. Trust in yourself. Trust in those around you. Trust that God has got your back while you're trying something new and scary (i.e. do it afraid). Trust that God is big enough and powerful enough to bring restoration and healing to all brokenness, be it physical, mental, spiritual or relational. You've done it before in me. Why can't/ won't I trust that You will do it again?
I listened to a sermon today while I was at work. The teacher made the connection between trust and worry. How really they are one in the same. That when you worry, your ultimately doing God a disservice because you're saying that you don't trust Him enough to take care of you and your situation. Those of you who are reading this and know me best know I'm a worry wort. Always have been. I don't plan on being this way forever. The teacher talked about how when you worry, you become anxious and how the anxiety is a result of not fully trusting God. That results in a lack of peace.
Peace. Shalom. My mantra. Now that I've been learning about for a couple of years. Why God chose to teach me about peace and residing in His peace before He started me on this journey on trust, I'm not sure. Peace and trust and authenticity. I'm not sure what this tapestry will look like when God is done, but I bet it will be beautiful. Until then, I am learning that I must come to God not only with unbelief issues, but trust issues, too. Every moment, every day. I believe that only He can release me from these these chains of bondage (ones that I didn't even know I had) so that I can continue to lift my hands to praise Him. Abba, Thank You for continuing to carry out this good work in me, making me more Christ-like, until the day of completion. Shalom!
Friday, February 17, 2012
How Close
This thought hit me the other day:
If the Devil watches me so closely to the point of knowing when certain things are happening or about to happen in my life, how much more closely does God watch over me?
If the Devil is watching me to see an opportunity to try to take me down, throw me for a loop, do anything to fall away from God, then how much more closely does God watch me?
The Bible tells me that He knows when every sparrow falls. He knows when I rise and when I lie down. He even knows exactly how many hairs are on my head (a number that changes by day, sometimes by the hour). He says that I am engraved on the palms of His great hands.
I can not wrap my brain around God and on the days that I try, I am only awed at how much that He does love me. All I have to do is look around me. The beauty of a blue sky, green trees and puffy white clouds. The millions of colors He paints the sky with each sunset. The vastness of a great ocean stretching out for an immeasurable amount before me.
He who created the earth, the seas, the heavens, He cares for me. The God of the Universe! The One who can do what He wants, when He wants, however He wants cares for me. How can this be? Me, with all my faults, failures and strongholds? Me? Are You for real? And, yes, me with my skin conditions that make me cranky beyond my own abilities to control? You still look at me and see something beautiful. The King of the Universe finds me breathtakingly beautiful even on my worst days when my skin is inflamed and uncomfortable and my hair is a mess. It blows my mind.
He watches me so close. Knows my every move. Knows my every heart beat. Nothing that is happening to me now or anything that will happen in my future is a surprise to Him. And through it all, He will continue to love me for me.
Forever will I be grateful and thankful.
<3
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
21 Days of Yoga
I finished the 21 Day Yoga Challenge from Yoga Journal Magazine a couple of days ago. The intention was to practice yoga for 21 days in a row and eat one vegetarian meal per day. It was great! Apparently it takes 21 consecutive days to create a habit and now I believe it.
To be honest the first couple of weeks were pretty easy. The hardest part was trying to come up with something new to keep myself entertained. The third week was near torture. By the time I hit week 3, I was really loosing my motivation to keep going and I was tired of my (by then) bland vegetarian meal. But, I pushed though and I persevered! I think days 18, 19 and 20 were the worst, but I was determined to see it through (and thankfully, a call to a close friend helped to provide the extra motivation I needed to keep going). And I am do proud that I did. :)
I have noticed a definite difference in my practice and am sooo thankful that I did this challenge. Honestly, I needed it. For a long while I think I had truly lost my practice. Being a yoga teacher is great, but I found that when I was practicing I was practicing for my students. Always thinking of them, how could I explain this asana better, how can I get my students to focus on this or that. In the meantime I lost what my practice was. My main goal in the challenge was to get MY practice back. To use my practice to worship God. To get back to the heart of it all. And it's working! I feel so much more alive now! Not just more physically awakened, but spiritually. Sure the physical benefits have been wonderful, but the spiritual aspect is what keeps me coming back to my mat. Just me and God, together. It's wonderful. God has blessed me so much and is continuing to use my yoga practice to deepen our relationship. I can't wait to see what He's going to do with it next.
To be honest the first couple of weeks were pretty easy. The hardest part was trying to come up with something new to keep myself entertained. The third week was near torture. By the time I hit week 3, I was really loosing my motivation to keep going and I was tired of my (by then) bland vegetarian meal. But, I pushed though and I persevered! I think days 18, 19 and 20 were the worst, but I was determined to see it through (and thankfully, a call to a close friend helped to provide the extra motivation I needed to keep going). And I am do proud that I did. :)
I have noticed a definite difference in my practice and am sooo thankful that I did this challenge. Honestly, I needed it. For a long while I think I had truly lost my practice. Being a yoga teacher is great, but I found that when I was practicing I was practicing for my students. Always thinking of them, how could I explain this asana better, how can I get my students to focus on this or that. In the meantime I lost what my practice was. My main goal in the challenge was to get MY practice back. To use my practice to worship God. To get back to the heart of it all. And it's working! I feel so much more alive now! Not just more physically awakened, but spiritually. Sure the physical benefits have been wonderful, but the spiritual aspect is what keeps me coming back to my mat. Just me and God, together. It's wonderful. God has blessed me so much and is continuing to use my yoga practice to deepen our relationship. I can't wait to see what He's going to do with it next.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
A New Year
A new year is upon us. Like the dawn of a new day, we are thrust upon it. With the quiet of winter and the newness of a new year, my thoughts almost always turn inward. This year has been no different. So many things have been running through my head the last few weeks. Two things predominately. One is on where I am and the second is on where I am going.
The ugly truth about taking a long look in the mirror is that if you look long enough, you'll find something that you want to change. I think that may true not only at looking at your outward appearance, but also looking at your inner self. At your heart. At your intentions. None of us can take an honest look at ourselves and see perfection. I am so thankful that God doesn't see me this way. Being washed in the Blood definitely has its benefits.
As I often do, along with many others who spend winter in quiet self reflection, I end up with the desire to seek some form of self improvement. For some it's loosing weight, for others it's trying to become less stressed. Whatever your resolution, I encourage you to not set a goal, but instead set an intention. Goals differ from intentions in that goals tend to be rigid. And goals are fine, but often times goals lead to something more temporary. An intention in the other hand is different. An intention gives you a point of focus. It will be more broad than a goal. And when you, being human, fall off the bandwagon, an intention helps to pick you back up instead of making you feel guilty for not being perfect. I have learned that perfection is not reasonably attainable. Being good and doing your best is better. Perfection will not be reached in this lifetime; it is something attained only in Glory.
Which brings me to my other thought of the day. Sometimes God closes doors so he can open new ones. After I learned that Soul Shine would be closing I decided to start seeking a new place to practice on occasions. I picked out a few studios I'd like to try, but by the time that the studio's January schedules came out, only a couple of the classes that I selected remained. And those that did remain we're not my top picks. After much prayer over the situation, I have felt God's calling that He be my teacher for a while. One thing that Judith Lasater spoke about during the December call was that there are times when you need a teacher and then there are times when you don't. During the times that you don't need the direct influence of a teacher are the times when you let your practice (or in my case,The God of the Universe) be your guide. So, one of my new years intentions is to get back to my personal practice. Get back to enjoying my practice. To get a time to refocus. And most importantly, to give myself the opportunity to seek God in His temple. I know I'm not going to be able to practice every day like I would like. But I must remember to accept myself for where I am right now. And to be gentle with myself when I don't execute everything perfectly. After all, perfection in this life is fake. And I, for one, cannot and adamantly refuse to compete with fake. Shalom!
The ugly truth about taking a long look in the mirror is that if you look long enough, you'll find something that you want to change. I think that may true not only at looking at your outward appearance, but also looking at your inner self. At your heart. At your intentions. None of us can take an honest look at ourselves and see perfection. I am so thankful that God doesn't see me this way. Being washed in the Blood definitely has its benefits.
As I often do, along with many others who spend winter in quiet self reflection, I end up with the desire to seek some form of self improvement. For some it's loosing weight, for others it's trying to become less stressed. Whatever your resolution, I encourage you to not set a goal, but instead set an intention. Goals differ from intentions in that goals tend to be rigid. And goals are fine, but often times goals lead to something more temporary. An intention in the other hand is different. An intention gives you a point of focus. It will be more broad than a goal. And when you, being human, fall off the bandwagon, an intention helps to pick you back up instead of making you feel guilty for not being perfect. I have learned that perfection is not reasonably attainable. Being good and doing your best is better. Perfection will not be reached in this lifetime; it is something attained only in Glory.
Which brings me to my other thought of the day. Sometimes God closes doors so he can open new ones. After I learned that Soul Shine would be closing I decided to start seeking a new place to practice on occasions. I picked out a few studios I'd like to try, but by the time that the studio's January schedules came out, only a couple of the classes that I selected remained. And those that did remain we're not my top picks. After much prayer over the situation, I have felt God's calling that He be my teacher for a while. One thing that Judith Lasater spoke about during the December call was that there are times when you need a teacher and then there are times when you don't. During the times that you don't need the direct influence of a teacher are the times when you let your practice (or in my case,The God of the Universe) be your guide. So, one of my new years intentions is to get back to my personal practice. Get back to enjoying my practice. To get a time to refocus. And most importantly, to give myself the opportunity to seek God in His temple. I know I'm not going to be able to practice every day like I would like. But I must remember to accept myself for where I am right now. And to be gentle with myself when I don't execute everything perfectly. After all, perfection in this life is fake. And I, for one, cannot and adamantly refuse to compete with fake. Shalom!
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Dictatorship of Expectations
I had the pleasure of listening in on a conference type call where well known yoga teacher Judith Lasater spoke about home yoga practices. She had many great ideas about how to improve your personal yoga practice. But more than the ideas about what to do physically in my body and in my home, she said a couple of things that really hit home for me. One of which was how many people have a certain set of expectations in their minds of how their practice needs to be and they become discouraged when they don't meet those expectations.
It seems that there is rarely a time when God is not working on me. I, like many others, am almost always in a season of learning and growing. To add to it, nearly every "holiday season" God has lead me to deepen my relationship with Him through the process of reflection and evaluation and this year had been no different. This year's focus has been all about expectation. To be honest, God has been teaching me the truth about expectations over the last 2 years. Two years ago I never really thought about expectations other than what was expected of me at school or work. But God has shown me how we are constantly living under expectations, both those that are absolute and those that are formulated in our own minds.
I have realized over the last couple of months how much these expectations have negatively impacted my life. Of course not all expectations are bad. Only the ones that you allow to take root and begin to take over your life. I have decided no more! No more will I allow myself to live under the dictatorship of expectations! I have lived long enough feeling bad or guilty or whatever because I did or didn't do something for myself or someone else. I only have this one life on earth. Why should I feel anything but happy about the decisions I make? Life is too short to continue to live the way I have. I know it will take time and a lot of help from God to be freed from this stronghold, but I know it will happen and I will be a much healthier person because of it.
It seems that there is rarely a time when God is not working on me. I, like many others, am almost always in a season of learning and growing. To add to it, nearly every "holiday season" God has lead me to deepen my relationship with Him through the process of reflection and evaluation and this year had been no different. This year's focus has been all about expectation. To be honest, God has been teaching me the truth about expectations over the last 2 years. Two years ago I never really thought about expectations other than what was expected of me at school or work. But God has shown me how we are constantly living under expectations, both those that are absolute and those that are formulated in our own minds.
I have realized over the last couple of months how much these expectations have negatively impacted my life. Of course not all expectations are bad. Only the ones that you allow to take root and begin to take over your life. I have decided no more! No more will I allow myself to live under the dictatorship of expectations! I have lived long enough feeling bad or guilty or whatever because I did or didn't do something for myself or someone else. I only have this one life on earth. Why should I feel anything but happy about the decisions I make? Life is too short to continue to live the way I have. I know it will take time and a lot of help from God to be freed from this stronghold, but I know it will happen and I will be a much healthier person because of it.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
The Only Thing That Stays The Same
My Dad has always told me that "the only thing that stays the same is that everything changes". The older I get, the more I see this simple truth reflected through life.
Just over a week ago one of my best friends informed me that the yoga studio that she owns & operates will be closing. This is the studio where I have taken my yoga classes for nearly 3 years. This is the studio where I took my yoga teacher training and stretched my wings as a teacher (pun, totally, intended).
The news, although it doesn't surprise me, has hit a little hard over the last few days. I keep using the words that I told my friend to console myself. This is necessary to keep the business alive. If she were to try to keep the studio open and operating as it has, then the business would ultimately die.
Thankfully, God used yoga again to touch my heart. The bliss that I feel after practice always leaves my heart & mind soft for God's Word and ministering. Yesterday was no exception. Last night God used the bliss from yoga to bring healing to my heart and soul through Luke 17:33: "Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it."
I am reminded of the words I used to comfort my friend: this will be a good move. Now our little yoga community is no longer confined to the four walls of a building. We are no longer bound by a schedule to keep. We are free. Truly free to share our yoga in a whole new way. We are free to touch our local community in a way that will meet them where they are. If we keep on and try to keep things the way they have been, avoiding this amazing growth opportunity, then in the end we will end up loosing. Meanwhile, if we change now, I believe that God will use this opportunity to do extraordinary things in and through each of us. Only time will tell what God's planning to do.
Just over a week ago one of my best friends informed me that the yoga studio that she owns & operates will be closing. This is the studio where I have taken my yoga classes for nearly 3 years. This is the studio where I took my yoga teacher training and stretched my wings as a teacher (pun, totally, intended).
The news, although it doesn't surprise me, has hit a little hard over the last few days. I keep using the words that I told my friend to console myself. This is necessary to keep the business alive. If she were to try to keep the studio open and operating as it has, then the business would ultimately die.
Thankfully, God used yoga again to touch my heart. The bliss that I feel after practice always leaves my heart & mind soft for God's Word and ministering. Yesterday was no exception. Last night God used the bliss from yoga to bring healing to my heart and soul through Luke 17:33: "Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it."
I am reminded of the words I used to comfort my friend: this will be a good move. Now our little yoga community is no longer confined to the four walls of a building. We are no longer bound by a schedule to keep. We are free. Truly free to share our yoga in a whole new way. We are free to touch our local community in a way that will meet them where they are. If we keep on and try to keep things the way they have been, avoiding this amazing growth opportunity, then in the end we will end up loosing. Meanwhile, if we change now, I believe that God will use this opportunity to do extraordinary things in and through each of us. Only time will tell what God's planning to do.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Acceptance: I Can't Compete With Fake
Ok. I know I say this every time I blog, but gee it really has been a while since I've been on here. Really, it only feels like a few day (a couple of weeks at the most). It reminds me of a saying that my parents told me time and time again growing up: "The older you get, the faster time flies". Or as my Dad sums it up "Time travels exponentially". Thanks Mom and Dad. It's scary to think about how right they were/ are. It's even scarier to think that if they were right about this, what else were they right about... Maybe I should have listened closer... hmmm...
I keep having this particular thought cross back and forth through my mind the last few week (ok, I'll be honest, months). And the thought is this: I can't compete with fake. Sure, I could make my best attempt at competing with fake, but in order to do so, I would need to adopt some "fake" tendencies. That I am not willing to do. I have been down that road before. Sure it starts out nice and paved, but before I know it I've unintentionally driven directly into enemy territory. I'm out of gas, stuck in the mud, and am surrounded by the unrelenting enemy. To top it all off, I'm in a hurricane and I've run out of bullets. Needless to say, since I made it out alive, I don't really want to take that short cut again. So, I don't allow myself the "luxuries" of fake. Instead, I have taken the "safer" route. The natural route.
But it's hard being natural in a fake world. Though I've surrounded myself with like minded friends (those who love, appreciate and encourage my natural side), I still find it difficult some days. Most days really. For me it's so easy to look at the inside of others and to not pay much attention to the package. But for some reason I struggle with treating myself with the same respect. Maybe it's because I know my strongholds. I know where I've been. I know I hold myself to a nearly unreachable standard. Why? Why do I struggle? Why does this have to be so hard? Why am I making this so hard on myself?
Start where you are. My friend, Heather, reminded me of this just yesterday in yoga class. It's a concept we discuss often in the studio. It's all about accepting yourself for how you are right now. Where you are right now. It's not about judging yourself or feeling guilty about where you feel like you should be, but about the here and now. True acceptance.
Love comes from within. I am so thankful that I'm a born again Christian. That I've got the living breathing God of the Universe living in my body. I want my body to be a nice, comfortable and clean place for Him to live. I believe that my body is His temple (1 Cor. 6:19-20). I have heard it stated that you can't show someone love unless you love yourself. Love comes after acceptance. I am thankful that through His grace and mercy I can love myself. Through His power and love, I can show others His love. Lord, thank You that though I am still a work in progress, You can still use me to show Your love to others.
I have also been reminded recently of a saying from Joyce Meyer: "I may not be where I should be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be!" Some days are still a struggle. I fear they may always be. But thinking back on where I've come from, how far God has brought me, helps to give me some courage to face the days when the view is more of a mountain than a mole hill.
Lord, please help us all to face the enemy head on, donned with our armor, with You as our banner and our rearguard. May our eyes be opened to see the the army that You have provided for us (2 Kings 6:17). The battle is not our own, but Your's, Lord. Amen.
Scripture for thought:
"Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us, that we may live in his presence." ~Hosea 6:1-2
I keep having this particular thought cross back and forth through my mind the last few week (ok, I'll be honest, months). And the thought is this: I can't compete with fake. Sure, I could make my best attempt at competing with fake, but in order to do so, I would need to adopt some "fake" tendencies. That I am not willing to do. I have been down that road before. Sure it starts out nice and paved, but before I know it I've unintentionally driven directly into enemy territory. I'm out of gas, stuck in the mud, and am surrounded by the unrelenting enemy. To top it all off, I'm in a hurricane and I've run out of bullets. Needless to say, since I made it out alive, I don't really want to take that short cut again. So, I don't allow myself the "luxuries" of fake. Instead, I have taken the "safer" route. The natural route.
But it's hard being natural in a fake world. Though I've surrounded myself with like minded friends (those who love, appreciate and encourage my natural side), I still find it difficult some days. Most days really. For me it's so easy to look at the inside of others and to not pay much attention to the package. But for some reason I struggle with treating myself with the same respect. Maybe it's because I know my strongholds. I know where I've been. I know I hold myself to a nearly unreachable standard. Why? Why do I struggle? Why does this have to be so hard? Why am I making this so hard on myself?
Start where you are. My friend, Heather, reminded me of this just yesterday in yoga class. It's a concept we discuss often in the studio. It's all about accepting yourself for how you are right now. Where you are right now. It's not about judging yourself or feeling guilty about where you feel like you should be, but about the here and now. True acceptance.
Love comes from within. I am so thankful that I'm a born again Christian. That I've got the living breathing God of the Universe living in my body. I want my body to be a nice, comfortable and clean place for Him to live. I believe that my body is His temple (1 Cor. 6:19-20). I have heard it stated that you can't show someone love unless you love yourself. Love comes after acceptance. I am thankful that through His grace and mercy I can love myself. Through His power and love, I can show others His love. Lord, thank You that though I am still a work in progress, You can still use me to show Your love to others.
I have also been reminded recently of a saying from Joyce Meyer: "I may not be where I should be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be!" Some days are still a struggle. I fear they may always be. But thinking back on where I've come from, how far God has brought me, helps to give me some courage to face the days when the view is more of a mountain than a mole hill.
Lord, please help us all to face the enemy head on, donned with our armor, with You as our banner and our rearguard. May our eyes be opened to see the the army that You have provided for us (2 Kings 6:17). The battle is not our own, but Your's, Lord. Amen.
Scripture for thought:
"Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us, that we may live in his presence." ~Hosea 6:1-2
Thursday, May 5, 2011
It's Over!
My yoga training is finally over! Really, it's kind of bitter sweet, but that's life. I must remember that it is just the end of the beginning. I've spent 100 hours in class training, countless minutes student teaching, and heaven only knows how long in study and preparation. Now, it's time for this little birdie to fly. Some moments I still feel inadequate, but I have to remind myself that God loves to use inadequate people to do amazing things for His glory. And that's what it's all about anyway. His glory.
At moments in time like these, I can not help but to reflect on all the changes in my life. Not just those since I started the yoga teacher training, but on the recent journey that God has been leading me. I have come to realize that I have been on a quest to seek myself over the last few years. And on that quest I have sought high and low, near and far to find out who I really was. Who I thought that I wanted to be. Only I never found myself in the places that I looked. I found me in the last place I thought I'd find me: right where I left myself. The only difference is that I'm older, more mature, and more hip than I remember being before. Or maybe, I've stayed the same and the experiences I've had only served to positively change my self image. And it's funny to me, how I find bits of God in me (it really shouldn't surprise me, I, just as everyone else who has ever lived, have been made in God's image). God showed Himself to one of His prophets, Elijah. Although, God did not appear in the "normal" places that one would seek for Him. He wasn't in the wind. He wasn't in the earthquake. He wasn't in the fire. He was in a whisper. The last place anyone would ever think to find the God of the universe would be in a small, tiny whisper.
I am so thankful for the new found freedom that God has been giving me. Taste and see that The Lord is good. And praise God- His mercies endure forever and ever!
At moments in time like these, I can not help but to reflect on all the changes in my life. Not just those since I started the yoga teacher training, but on the recent journey that God has been leading me. I have come to realize that I have been on a quest to seek myself over the last few years. And on that quest I have sought high and low, near and far to find out who I really was. Who I thought that I wanted to be. Only I never found myself in the places that I looked. I found me in the last place I thought I'd find me: right where I left myself. The only difference is that I'm older, more mature, and more hip than I remember being before. Or maybe, I've stayed the same and the experiences I've had only served to positively change my self image. And it's funny to me, how I find bits of God in me (it really shouldn't surprise me, I, just as everyone else who has ever lived, have been made in God's image). God showed Himself to one of His prophets, Elijah. Although, God did not appear in the "normal" places that one would seek for Him. He wasn't in the wind. He wasn't in the earthquake. He wasn't in the fire. He was in a whisper. The last place anyone would ever think to find the God of the universe would be in a small, tiny whisper.
I am so thankful for the new found freedom that God has been giving me. Taste and see that The Lord is good. And praise God- His mercies endure forever and ever!
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Amazing Blessings
Hello again everyone! I know it's been too long since I've been on here last, but hey, that's life. At least I'm back. :)
God has been doing some amazing things with me recently. To begin with, I was stressed to the max with my old job. Yep, you read right. OLD job. :) He's moved me to a small company called PeachMac headquartered out of Athens, they are like an Apple Store. I'm working there part time right now, afternoons, as the assistant to the office manager. Currently my main task is to process the accounts payable for all the stores (there are five locations). It's a fantastic job and wonderful company. Everyone one I work with is wonderful, especially my new boss, Cheryl (the office manager). I am so blessed to be able to learn how to manage a small business from her. She's a wonderful and talented lady, so full of wisdom. Words can not describe how blessed I am to be in this position. :)
On another front: I'm almost done with my yoga classes for my 100 hour teacher certification program. I've got just a few more classes left and by May 1st- it's all over. So starting next month I'm going to begin teaching my own beginner's level yoga classes. :) I've already been doing some student teaching and it has been a blast! I still feel inadequate when I teach, but I figure it will disappear with time and practice. And if it doesn't, well, God has a tendency to use people who are inadequate to do the job so He gets all the glory. Which is what I'm going for anyway. I want to use yoga to bring people closer to Christ. After all, our bodies are His temple. We have all been bought with a price, therefore, let us all honor God with our bodies.
Another HUGE blessing that God gave me recently is the healing of a rocky relationship. To be honest, it was about dead. But, God has brought it back to life. And not only is it alive once more, but it is more alive now than it ever was before. It's like it was dark and stormy for years and now the dark clouds are gone, the sky is blue, the sun is shining and birds are singing. When I think about what He has done, all I can do is praise. I am so thankful for the blessings that He is raining down on me this spring.
There is nothing that is happening to me that I could have done on my own. For in my weakness, He is strong. Hallelujah!
God has been doing some amazing things with me recently. To begin with, I was stressed to the max with my old job. Yep, you read right. OLD job. :) He's moved me to a small company called PeachMac headquartered out of Athens, they are like an Apple Store. I'm working there part time right now, afternoons, as the assistant to the office manager. Currently my main task is to process the accounts payable for all the stores (there are five locations). It's a fantastic job and wonderful company. Everyone one I work with is wonderful, especially my new boss, Cheryl (the office manager). I am so blessed to be able to learn how to manage a small business from her. She's a wonderful and talented lady, so full of wisdom. Words can not describe how blessed I am to be in this position. :)
On another front: I'm almost done with my yoga classes for my 100 hour teacher certification program. I've got just a few more classes left and by May 1st- it's all over. So starting next month I'm going to begin teaching my own beginner's level yoga classes. :) I've already been doing some student teaching and it has been a blast! I still feel inadequate when I teach, but I figure it will disappear with time and practice. And if it doesn't, well, God has a tendency to use people who are inadequate to do the job so He gets all the glory. Which is what I'm going for anyway. I want to use yoga to bring people closer to Christ. After all, our bodies are His temple. We have all been bought with a price, therefore, let us all honor God with our bodies.
Another HUGE blessing that God gave me recently is the healing of a rocky relationship. To be honest, it was about dead. But, God has brought it back to life. And not only is it alive once more, but it is more alive now than it ever was before. It's like it was dark and stormy for years and now the dark clouds are gone, the sky is blue, the sun is shining and birds are singing. When I think about what He has done, all I can do is praise. I am so thankful for the blessings that He is raining down on me this spring.
There is nothing that is happening to me that I could have done on my own. For in my weakness, He is strong. Hallelujah!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Oh, boy! So much has happened since I last blogged!
To begin, last week was the Babbie Mason Embrace event at church. It was wonderful! We had such a blast! The week before the event I got roped into singing in the choir and I had so much fun that night! I don't know if I'll ever sing in another choir, but it sure was fun while it lasted. The whole night was a success and everyone there was really blessed.
John and I took a long weekend to celebrate our anniversary (we had to go early because I couldn't get off work for our anniversary). We spent our time in Savannah. It was beautiful down there. Our first day was spent in the historic district (or as John says, the hysterical district). The next two days we were our on Tybee island kayaking, checking out the old fort and hanging out on the beach. Our final day was spent driving around a wildlife area before we headed home. It was great to get away. But while we were gone Sarge had a incident.
Sarge caught his first squirrel. Yes, a living, breathing, furry tree rat! Somehow he caught it up and was able to kill it. Poor Candace didn't know what to do with it, so it just laid outside until we got home. I wouldn't have either. I just would have prayed for something else to come and take it away. John and I are so proud of Sarge! He's doing exactly what God designed him to do: terrorize rodents (he's a rat terrier). It just so happens that this one lived in a tree. Ever since then, Sarge has been going nuts for these squirrels (pun not intended). He can't wait to snag him another one.
On another note, I've started my yoga teacher training classes. It's going good. We have our second class this Sunday afternoon. I'm looking forward to it and getting into a regular routine with the classes.
That's all for now!
Namaste!
To begin, last week was the Babbie Mason Embrace event at church. It was wonderful! We had such a blast! The week before the event I got roped into singing in the choir and I had so much fun that night! I don't know if I'll ever sing in another choir, but it sure was fun while it lasted. The whole night was a success and everyone there was really blessed.
John and I took a long weekend to celebrate our anniversary (we had to go early because I couldn't get off work for our anniversary). We spent our time in Savannah. It was beautiful down there. Our first day was spent in the historic district (or as John says, the hysterical district). The next two days we were our on Tybee island kayaking, checking out the old fort and hanging out on the beach. Our final day was spent driving around a wildlife area before we headed home. It was great to get away. But while we were gone Sarge had a incident.
Sarge caught his first squirrel. Yes, a living, breathing, furry tree rat! Somehow he caught it up and was able to kill it. Poor Candace didn't know what to do with it, so it just laid outside until we got home. I wouldn't have either. I just would have prayed for something else to come and take it away. John and I are so proud of Sarge! He's doing exactly what God designed him to do: terrorize rodents (he's a rat terrier). It just so happens that this one lived in a tree. Ever since then, Sarge has been going nuts for these squirrels (pun not intended). He can't wait to snag him another one.
On another note, I've started my yoga teacher training classes. It's going good. We have our second class this Sunday afternoon. I'm looking forward to it and getting into a regular routine with the classes.
That's all for now!
Namaste!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Super Busy!!!
Words can not explain how super swamped I've been! I've been trying to eek out a few minuets to drop a line on here, but every time I try, something else comes up and claims the time I've set aside. Finally, I'm here.
Things at work have been just ok. We've been busy and the pressure for sales has not let up in the least. We are getting closer and closer to the time that we will convert to Wells Fargo and there is a avalanche full of things to do. We were also able to get in someone to fill Teresa's spot and now we are short staffed again. This time we are not sure if we are going to get a replacement or not. Technically we are in a hiring freeze so if we get anyone they will have to come in from somewhere else in the organization. Hopefully we will get some support. To be honest, I'm getting worn out from being short staffed so much. We've had more time where we are short than when we've got a full staff. It's nothing new, just extra stress.
I've also started my yoga teacher training. I'm really enjoying the reading materials that have been assigned. We have our first official meeting on Saturday and I'm looking forward to getting into a routine with it. I'm hoping to be able to post some things that I've been learning/ writing on here, but I'm not sure if I can with my schedule being so hectic. We'll have to play it by ear. But I do want to say now is that I have been amazed with how close that yoga is to Christianity. There are MANY similarities in the methodology. I found myself writing down Bible scripture references in the margins of my books because the authors would write something that sounded VERY familiar from scripture. The little tips of the yoga iceberg that I've tapped into has already helped to broaden my view of God. It was amazing reading what is classified as a secular book and seeing Jesus all over it just by the design of yoga. Incredible.
I'm actually really looking forward to October starting. I've got so many things that have hit here at the end of this month that it's throwing me off. My schedule feels like a nightmare. I've got things going here and there and everywhere. October is looking more open and I plan on keeping it that way. I need a break from constant scheduling, some time to settle back into a routine.
Among those things we've got a crazy huge elephant ear plant growing just off our lanai. The funny part is that we didn't buy it! It came in the pot of a little gardenia that we purchased last year. We didn't even know it was there until it started to grow earlier this spring. We thought it would stay fairly small, especially since it was sharing a little patch of dirt with a larger plant. Boy were we wrong. Check it out:
And this picture was taken a couple of days after John trimmed it back. It had these octopus like arms going everywhere! They were all over our little gardenia, creeping over toward the grill, trying to climb the brick along the back and sides, and trying to block the door! Since this picture it's grown a few more giant leaves (only a few are smaller than Sarge) and it's got more tentacles growing yet again. We've decided that when the frost comes- it's getting a new home. John will cut it back and dig to find what will probably (based on it's current size) a football sized bulb and transplant it to a new home somewhere else in the yard. Hopefully next year I won't have to fight with another plant coming in and out the screen door!
Well, that's about all for now. I hope this finds everyone well!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Big Changes
Things have been changing so much recently, it's been tough to keep up with! To bring everyone up to speed, I got a promotion at work. I'm the new Lead Teller at my branch. And boy am I loaded down with challenges for the next few weeks. It wouldn't be such a rough transition, buy my boss, Liz, is out for three weeks with some training of her own. So, I'm picking up a bunch of extra tasks at work inaddition to trying to transition from peer to supervisor. The stress this week has been incredible. I've had headaches the last two day- I haven't had a headache in MONTHS! Now two days in a row. My anxiety is about to peak (really it's more like explode, think of a volcano) so I'm really looking forward to tomorrow's yoga classes.
On another note: we have been able to purchase our new refrigerator and stove that we've been eyeing for a few months (we are selling our older ones). The new stuff is getting delivered tomorrow. :)Our kitchen is going to look so different. I'll try to remember to take some pics to post on here for everyone to see. They will be stainless and black to match the microwave and dishwasher. The next step will be a new sink and faucets (don't have a date on those yet, but eventually).
More good stuff is right around the corner: here in a couple of weeks, I'm going to get to meet my newest yoga teacher, Cheryl. She is going to be leading all the classes that I need to take to get my yoga certification. I'm ready to start down that path. It means doing something I love, helping others and just more positive growth coming my way. I'm ready to head down that path.
We discovered that Sarge is scared of baloons. John brought one home when I got the promotion and Sarge is terrified of it! He won't go anywhere near it! He's so funny, he completely avoids the room! When we first put it in the breakfast room, Sarge hid from it in the hallway and kept looking around and checking behind him expecting to see it floating up on him. He's gotten used to it to a small degree, but he still won't go into the breakfast room.
On another note: we have been able to purchase our new refrigerator and stove that we've been eyeing for a few months (we are selling our older ones). The new stuff is getting delivered tomorrow. :)Our kitchen is going to look so different. I'll try to remember to take some pics to post on here for everyone to see. They will be stainless and black to match the microwave and dishwasher. The next step will be a new sink and faucets (don't have a date on those yet, but eventually).
More good stuff is right around the corner: here in a couple of weeks, I'm going to get to meet my newest yoga teacher, Cheryl. She is going to be leading all the classes that I need to take to get my yoga certification. I'm ready to start down that path. It means doing something I love, helping others and just more positive growth coming my way. I'm ready to head down that path.
Monday, August 2, 2010
At Your Master's Feet
Who says that old dogs can't learn new tricks? Well, I can't say much for Sarge, but God sure used him the other day to get to me. Friday morning, John was staying at home for the day and was still in bed when I was getting up to go to work. Sarge, of course, was all excited that it's morning and was ready to go outside for a run around the yard. Shortly after letting him back in, I sat down for my breakfast. As I was reading through my daily devotions, Sarge started freaking out and barking constantly out the back window. I got up, looked around and didn't see a thing. No matter what I said to him he wouldn't stop barking. Finally, I called him and forced him to sit at my feet. After a moment of sitting near me, he quited down and began to relax. I looked down at his furry little body and thought "So this is what it takes for him to get quiet; he has to sit down at his master's feet". Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. That's what God wants from each of us.
Everyday, we have lots of things pulling at us, vying for our attention and often times we (me, especially) start to freak out over stuff that's not even a speck on God's radar. It's those moments, that we (again, I'm speaking to myself on this one) need to bring ourselves to His feet and let Him minister to our hearts and calm us down so we can get back to the most important things in this life. It's funny what a little four legged varmint can teach us. It's even more incredible that God will use everything to deepen our relationship with Him if we allow Him and keep ourselves open.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Zip Line Through The Tree Tops
Yesterday, John and I went for a tour from North Georgia Canopy Tours in Lula, Ga. It was fantastic! The best fun I've had in a long while! We got to zip along 12 different lines, cross two sky bridges (they were the scariest parts) and rappel down a tower! What a blast!
Off the rappel tower- the scariest part was going over the edge. Once I was dangling, it was ok:
Almost to the bottom:
The final line- a double zip across the Hilltop Pond:
Here I am getting ready for our first line:
And away I go:
John and me in full zip gear:
John coming in for a landing:
Looking back from where we just zipped from:
John zipping down:
He arrived safely!:
Me zipping over:
Me again:
Me getting unhooked from the line:
Again, it is I:
Here's John:
And me getting ready to go:
Off I go- this line was one of three that went through an open area and over a pond:
Off the rappel tower- the scariest part was going over the edge. Once I was dangling, it was ok:
Almost to the bottom:The final line- a double zip across the Hilltop Pond:
It was such a blast and super easy! If you ever want a fun time outside, try it!
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Money and Dryers
As many of you know, John and I have been working on Dave Ramsey's financial plan for the last year and a half or so. It has been so amazing to see God working in our finances. The first thing that amazed me was how much further our money seemed to go. Even though we were making the same amount of money, under Dave's (really God's plan), it was like we had more money at the end of the month than what we had in previous months. It was wonderful! We have also seen God move in ways that we would not have imagined! He has miraculously shortened the time line for our savings goal by months! We are actually looking at hitting our goal by next month! John and I have been so excited about this and have been looking forward to this time next month for what feels like an eternity. Just over a year ago, it felt like it wouldn't come and it's almost here!
As a boost to myself, I've picked up and began re-reading Dave's book Total Money Makeover. It's been great to re-read the stories of people just like us making their financial dreams come true on this plan. I was having a relaxing afternoon reading the book while I was working on our laundry today (it's such a fast read I'm already halfway through it and I just picked it back up a couple of days ago). Then tragedy struck. The dryer broke. Enter anxiety. I had just finished reading a part of the book that says when an emergency happens and you tap into your emergency fund, quit working on the step that you're on and go back to replenish your emergency fund and about how "Murphy" of Murphy's law typically leaves town when you've got more money in the bank (apparently he only likes broke people). A broken dryer apparently is an emergency, and it seems only fitting that Murphy would try to stop in for a visit when we are so close to our goal.
Thankfully, I have a resourceful husband. :) We quickly got on the web to try to diagnose the problem. With a little bit of research, he was able to determine that the thermal fuse blew out. We've got another one ordered and on it's way. It should be here before we need to do laundry next week. Hopefully, it will fix our problem and we can get some more mileage out of our current washer and dryer. After spending some time revisiting the principals of our financial plan, I really don't want to spend the money to buy a new dryer (even the beautiful front loaders in blue that I want, with the pedestals to hide all our laundry accessories). For now, I will hold out hope that the dryer is fixable. I feel like that we are just too close to our goal to have to deal with some major expenses like that.
As a boost to myself, I've picked up and began re-reading Dave's book Total Money Makeover. It's been great to re-read the stories of people just like us making their financial dreams come true on this plan. I was having a relaxing afternoon reading the book while I was working on our laundry today (it's such a fast read I'm already halfway through it and I just picked it back up a couple of days ago). Then tragedy struck. The dryer broke. Enter anxiety. I had just finished reading a part of the book that says when an emergency happens and you tap into your emergency fund, quit working on the step that you're on and go back to replenish your emergency fund and about how "Murphy" of Murphy's law typically leaves town when you've got more money in the bank (apparently he only likes broke people). A broken dryer apparently is an emergency, and it seems only fitting that Murphy would try to stop in for a visit when we are so close to our goal.
Thankfully, I have a resourceful husband. :) We quickly got on the web to try to diagnose the problem. With a little bit of research, he was able to determine that the thermal fuse blew out. We've got another one ordered and on it's way. It should be here before we need to do laundry next week. Hopefully, it will fix our problem and we can get some more mileage out of our current washer and dryer. After spending some time revisiting the principals of our financial plan, I really don't want to spend the money to buy a new dryer (even the beautiful front loaders in blue that I want, with the pedestals to hide all our laundry accessories). For now, I will hold out hope that the dryer is fixable. I feel like that we are just too close to our goal to have to deal with some major expenses like that.
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