It's a "No"

I believe that God gives one of three answers to prayer: "yes", "no" or "wait". After much prayer and seeking with Christian counsel (the hubs, LOG, and those in the teaching field) I have come to the solemn conclusion that seeking a position in teaching is not where God wants me to go. Not yet anyway. Every time that I would pray for guidance, God would respond back with news reports or counsel telling me that now is not the time, this is not the economy. With so much negativity, I feel the breeze go by as He gently closes the door. I have spent much time in prayer and thought about going back to school and earning (yet another) degree (like the two I have are lonely). I've decided that it would not be worth the expense of time and money to attend school for a degree that I'm not even 100% sure that I would enjoy the field.

I do wonder though if I misinterpreted the calling of taking the GACE. If He didn't want me to be a teacher at this point, then why take it? Why would He want me to spend His money like that? To work toward something that did not achieve the outcome that seemed so obvious? As I continue reading Beth Moore's new book (So Long Insecurity) I wonder if it was to boost the confidence I have in myself; to prove to myself that I am, with His help, capable of more than I imagine.

Now the question at hand becomes, where does He want me to go next. In the mean time, I will do the only thing I know how at this point: continue doing what He called me to do last (what I am certain of) and wait for Him.

Where To Go From Here

I'm at a cross roads. I have been for a few weeks. Ever since I took the GACE I have been looking forward to this spring. This was supposed to be the spring that I found a teaching job for next year. Although, at this moment it doesn't look good. I've had a couple of people tell me that it would be best to go back and get my teaching degree. After all, in this economy no one has any jobs right now and most places are looking to cut back. A few of the local school systems are even laying off teachers as well as members of their admin staff. So now, not only am I competing against newly certified teachers (straight out of school) but I'm also competing with experienced teachers who have been laid off due to financial restraints on the school systems. I thought that I'd have a slight competitive advantage over my competition because I would work cheaper since I'm not officially certified yet. Although, as my grandmother said to me, so is everyone else out there- they are willing to cut back what they were earning just to get a job. At least I still have my day job. I've just really started wondering if this is the timing that God wanted or have I rushed into something. Does He want me to go back to school to get another degree that I don't know if we can afford (not to mention a degree in something I'm not 100% sure I'm going to enjoy). Lots of unanswered questions. I can only be still and continue to do the work that He has assigned me while I wait.

Security in Christ

I've been doing this really great book/ Bible study with my friends recently. We started reading the book So Long Insecurity: You've been a bad friend to us by Beth Moore in early February. To be completely honest, I knew I had some issues to work through, but the deeper I get into the book, I find more and more insecurity issues. I have realized that I have been masking them under different names or clustering one particular issue with another. Since these additional issues have been brought to my attention, God has been all over me! It first started with the book then He threw in some verses from my quiet time. The next thing I know, He starts sending messages- like they were made for my eyes only- via email of daily devotions sent to my BlackBerry. It was sooo eerie reading something in the book one evening, pondering it over at night, to wake up to a devotion that gives me some insight into the SAME THING the next morning. He's been leading me down this particular path the last week or so. He started with reminding me that I must choose Him everyday; I will find my strength in Him alone, but I must go to Him to gather what I need (like manna in the desert). Then He reminded me that my old self is gone and dead and that He lives in me now so I must change my thinking to be like His thinking, my thoughts to be like His. No more thinking bad things about myself; I am a new creation. To renew my mind so I no longer follow the pattern of this world. When I had these emails pop up, I really just chucked it up to a subtle reminder from God. He has other things in mind.

I finished reading a couple chapters in my book that really opened my eyes. The first had story after story about times when women let insecurity get the best of them. It really hit home for me because I saw myself in so many of the reactions. Then came the chapter about our God given dignity. I read through it and didn't think much of it until I went to the blog that Beth set up to discuss the book. Each week we read a couple of chapters and then answer some questions. The final question that Beth posted last week was about what we think dignity is. I realized then (and posted as such) that I didn't really have much of an idea of what it is or how I would show it (to be honest, I don't think I have too much currently, I don't seem that dignified to myself, anyway). I didn't think too deeply into dignity, only to figure that God will show me what is to Him and help me to experience it in my life in due time. Well due time began the next morning. I have a short quiet time over breakfast while reading the daily devotionals that are sent to my BB. Lo and behold- one of the devotionals is entitled "Becoming a Woman of Dignity". The writer then quotes the EXACT SAME SCRIPTURE THAT BETH USED in the book that I read the day before. Only this author tells what dignity is to her. It sent chills up my spine. Barley 12 hours before, I was posting a comment to a blog about how I didn't really know/ understand dignity and here God was showing me. It left me speechless. And slightly apprehensive about the future. I have no idea what He's got in store, but I know He is working on me as I write. Thankfully, I can trust Him; His will be done.

Peace and Quiet

Wow. I can't believe that it's already March. This year is already flying by! Not much has changed since my last post. Things are still slow on the job hunt. My schedule has tapered down some this week. I've limited myself to just one evening activity this week- and killer yoga session on Monday. It was fantastic. I went to Heather's strength and toning class, and boy did we work our muscles. I worked muscles that I didn't even know I had. Brutal! Surprisingly, I wasn't crippled the last few days like I was expecting to be. I figured that John would have to pull me out of the bed in the mornings, but I got up ok. I had some tenderness in my arms, shoulders and upper back for a couple of days, but it wasn't too bad. It's been nice having a few quiet days. I've been able to catch up on my reading (I've been reading Beth Moore's new book called So Long Insecurity) and I've been able to spend some more time with John. Overall things are going well. I'm just enjoying this quiet spell before things get hectic again next week. I've got another busy one planned. LOG and I should be getting together sometime, then Friday it's off to visit my Grandparents for the day only to come home and clean the house for dinner guests on Saturday night. I'm so excited about the Saturday after next- homemade pizza nite with my parents and sister and bro-in-law. Yum... I haven't had our homemade pizza in about a year or two. It's going to be so good. But never as good as it is at Dad's house (it's always better there for some reason). TTYL!

A Whirlwind

I'll tell you what- the last couple of days have been a whirlwind! Wednesday I went to a job fair for teachers that was being hosted by UGA. Overall, I guess it went well. No one there really seemed to know what was happening. Even the schools that were there didn't have much to say since hardly anyone has any jobs open right now. I kept hearing over and over that there probably won't have many openings until the end of April; which is a far cry from the February dates that are supposed to be the typical hiring time for teachers. The odds are stacked against me also since I'm going through what's called an Alternative Certification program (meaning that I'm trying to earn my certification after college). No one really seemed that excited about me on Wednesday. Then I heard that Clarke County was hosting their own fair this weekend and I was planning on attending, but the online application that they want filled out before the fair is impossible to complete in the 12 hours I have before me. There was just too much to try to gather together in such a short period of time that I would not be able to get it done in time. So, I'm staying home tomorrow. Which hopefully won't be a bad thing. I've been burning my candle at both ends this week.

The Busy Women's Bible Study met yesterday for our second official meeting. We were going to cover the first week's/ month's homework and the watch session 1 of the DVD series. It was supposed to be great. Then he showed up. Again. We all believe that the Devil was all over that place last night trying to stop us from connecting with God. Even though our youth pastor, Brian, set the equipment up for us and had it going, we still encountered tons of problems. First, right at 7 pm when we were to start, Amy asked where the DVD for session 1 was. Yours truly was in charge of the DVD's. I thought it was on the DVD that we had. It wasn't. We had to quickly purchase and download it from online. Then had to trouble shoot through technical stuff with Brian on the phone while Mindy stalled in the sanctuary. Then we started having trouble with the music that we were going to play and the sound system. How Amy managed to fix that, I have no idea. Finally, we have these boards that cover the stained glass windows (to protect them from the teens who meet in the chapel where we have our study) fly off the window. Seriously. It's supposed to be held in the space by some nails; there were no nails when I went to put it back up. The weird thing is that there was no air movement around the area and the board was not teetering on the edge (I'd walked past it back and forth about 50 times that night while trying to set everything up). And it's not like it just fell to the floor, it ended up a couple of feet away from where it should have fallen. Strange occurrences. I'm thinking of having one of our pastors bless the space before we use it next. Maybe using some Holy Water or something. It really kinda creeped me out. I'm still a bit shaken when I think of it. Thankfully, God is on our side. :)

The Finished Tabernacle

Here are the pics of the Tabernacle that I promised!

I originally planned on making the entire tabernacle, but with the scale that I wanted to use the whole thing would have been about six feet long and much too wide to transport in my car. So, using John's suggestion, I just made the inner courtyard. The scale is 1 cubit= 1/2 inch. The total measurement is 20 inches x 30 inches for the yard and the Tabernacle measures in at 17 inches x 6 1/2 inches.Here are the brazen alter and lever just before the Tabernacle entrance:

Looking down into the Holy Place:

Looking down into the Most Holy Place:

Here at the furniture pieces for the Holy Place (from left to right: Lamp stand, table of the Presence, Alter of Incense)

The Ark and it's contents (jar of manna, stone tablets with the 10 Commandments, Aaron's budded staff)
Moses and Aaron- Moses is on the left with his hand up praising God and Aaron is in his priests garments. Aren't they cute?

Whew!

Whew! It has been one heck of a week! I've gotten TONS done. Primarily, I finished the Tabernacle project that I have been working on for a few weeks now; just in time for our Bible study group to meet this Thursday. :) I've also got a bunch of baking done- I received an Amish Cinnamon Bread starter from one of my friends and have made it twice now. It's really yummy, but it sure is a lot of work. Plus John's getting tired of seeing "bags of goo" on the counter every day. lol! Despite his apprehensions about the bags laying out on the counter all week, he's enjoyed eating it. Our V-day dinner at PF Changs went well; it was ton louder in there than I remembered. The best part was dessert (of course)- we ordered the Great Wall of Chocolate- a 6 tier chocolate cake with chocolate icing and little choco chips around the outside swimming in a delish raspberry sauce with strawberries and blueberries. Yummo! Then this past Friday night, John and I attended the Gwinnett PD's Annual Awards Dinner at the Gwinnett Civic Center. I loved going- I finally got to meet some of John's co-workers that I've heard lots of stories on, but never met and got to see a bunch of other police wives that I haven't seen in over a year. It was so nice to catch up with old friends. It was a wonderful evening. Then this weekend with the nice weather John and I have gotten little Sarge out a couple of times for some walks- he's really enjoyed it. He loves the warm, spring-like weather.

This next week is going to be another busy one- LOG's getting together Monday to prepare for our Thursday night Bible Study, plus go over our answers to the study that we are doing based on Beth Moore's new book. Then yoga on Tuesday. Wednesday evening will be spent baking some brownies as a thank you for our youth pastor (he's been helping us out a bunch with technical support before our studies and women's services that we have had recently). Then Thursday is the big Bible study night. Friday, thankfully, there are no plans. :)