Dictatorship of Expectations

I had the pleasure of listening in on a conference type call where well known yoga teacher Judith Lasater spoke about home yoga practices. She had many great ideas about how to improve your personal yoga practice. But more than the ideas about what to do physically in my body and in my home, she said a couple of things that really hit home for me. One of which was how many people have a certain set of expectations in their minds of how their practice needs to be and they become discouraged when they don't meet those expectations.

It seems that there is rarely a time when God is not working on me. I, like many others, am almost always in a season of learning and growing. To add to it, nearly every "holiday season" God has lead me to deepen my relationship with Him through the process of reflection and evaluation and this year had been no different. This year's focus has been all about expectation. To be honest, God has been teaching me the truth about expectations over the last 2 years. Two years ago I never really thought about expectations other than what was expected of me at school or work. But God has shown me how we are constantly living under expectations, both those that are absolute and those that are formulated in our own minds.

I have realized over the last couple of months how much these expectations have negatively impacted my life. Of course not all expectations are bad. Only the ones that you allow to take root and begin to take over your life. I have decided no more! No more will I allow myself to live under the dictatorship of expectations! I have lived long enough feeling bad or guilty or whatever because I did or didn't do something for myself or someone else. I only have this one life on earth. Why should I feel anything but happy about the decisions I make? Life is too short to continue to live the way I have. I know it will take time and a lot of help from God to be freed from this stronghold, but I know it will happen and I will be a much healthier person because of it.

The Only Thing That Stays The Same

My Dad has always told me that "the only thing that stays the same is that everything changes". The older I get, the more I see this simple truth reflected through life.

Just over a week ago one of my best friends informed me that the yoga studio that she owns & operates will be closing. This is the studio where I have taken my yoga classes for nearly 3 years. This is the studio where I took my yoga teacher training and stretched my wings as a teacher (pun, totally, intended).

The news, although it doesn't surprise me, has hit a little hard over the last few days. I keep using the words that I told my friend to console myself. This is necessary to keep the business alive. If she were to try to keep the studio open and operating as it has, then the business would ultimately die.

Thankfully, God used yoga again to touch my heart. The bliss that I feel after practice always leaves my heart & mind soft for God's Word and ministering. Yesterday was no exception. Last night God used the bliss from yoga to bring healing to my heart and soul through Luke 17:33: "Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it."

I am reminded of the words I used to comfort my friend: this will be a good move. Now our little yoga community is no longer confined to the four walls of a building. We are no longer bound by a schedule to keep. We are free. Truly free to share our yoga in a whole new way. We are free to touch our local community in a way that will meet them where they are. If we keep on and try to keep things the way they have been, avoiding this amazing growth opportunity, then in the end we will end up loosing. Meanwhile, if we change now, I believe that God will use this opportunity to do extraordinary things in and through each of us. Only time will tell what God's planning to do.

Acceptance: I Can't Compete With Fake

Ok. I know I say this every time I blog, but gee it really has been a while since I've been on here. Really, it only feels like a few day (a couple of weeks at the most). It reminds me of a saying that my parents told me time and time again growing up: "The older you get, the faster time flies". Or as my Dad sums it up "Time travels exponentially". Thanks Mom and Dad. It's scary to think about how right they were/ are. It's even scarier to think that if they were right about this, what else were they right about... Maybe I should have listened closer... hmmm...

I keep having this particular thought cross back and forth through my mind the last few week (ok, I'll be honest, months). And the thought is this: I can't compete with fake. Sure, I could make my best attempt at competing with fake, but in order to do so, I would need to adopt some "fake" tendencies. That I am not willing to do. I have been down that road before. Sure it starts out nice and paved, but before I know it I've unintentionally driven directly into enemy territory. I'm out of gas, stuck in the mud, and am surrounded by the unrelenting enemy. To top it all off, I'm in a hurricane and I've run out of bullets. Needless to say, since I made it out alive, I don't really want to take that short cut again. So, I don't allow myself the "luxuries" of fake. Instead, I have taken the "safer" route. The natural route.

But it's hard being natural in a fake world. Though I've surrounded myself with like minded friends (those who love, appreciate and encourage my natural side), I still find it difficult some days. Most days really. For me it's so easy to look at the inside of others and to not pay much attention to the package. But for some reason I struggle with treating myself with the same respect. Maybe it's because I know my strongholds. I know where I've been. I know I hold myself to a nearly unreachable standard. Why? Why do I struggle? Why does this have to be so hard? Why am I making this so hard on myself?

Start where you are. My friend, Heather, reminded me of this just yesterday in yoga class. It's a concept we discuss often in the studio. It's all about accepting yourself for how you are right now. Where you are right now. It's not about judging yourself or feeling guilty about where you feel like you should be, but about the here and now. True acceptance.

Love comes from within. I am so thankful that I'm a born again Christian. That I've got the living breathing God of the Universe living in my body. I want my body to be a nice, comfortable and clean place for Him to live. I believe that my body is His temple (1 Cor. 6:19-20). I have heard it stated that you can't show someone love unless you love yourself. Love comes after acceptance. I am thankful that through His grace and mercy I can love myself. Through His power and love, I can show others His love. Lord, thank You that though I am still a work in progress, You can still use me to show Your love to others.

I have also been reminded recently of a saying from Joyce Meyer: "I may not be where I should be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be!" Some days are still a struggle. I fear they may always be. But thinking back on where I've come from, how far God has brought me, helps to give me some courage to face the days when the view is more of a mountain than a mole hill.

Lord, please help us all to face the enemy head on, donned with our armor, with You as our banner and our rearguard. May our eyes be opened to see the the army that You have provided for us (2 Kings 6:17). The battle is not our own, but Your's, Lord. Amen.

Scripture for thought:

"Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us, that we may live in his presence." ~Hosea 6:1-2

It's Over!

My yoga training is finally over! Really, it's kind of bitter sweet, but that's life. I must remember that it is just the end of the beginning. I've spent 100 hours in class training, countless minutes student teaching, and heaven only knows how long in study and preparation. Now, it's time for this little birdie to fly. Some moments I still feel inadequate, but I have to remind myself that God loves to use inadequate people to do amazing things for His glory. And that's what it's all about anyway. His glory.

At moments in time like these, I can not help but to reflect on all the changes in my life. Not just those since I started the yoga teacher training, but on the recent journey that God has been leading me. I have come to realize that I have been on a quest to seek myself over the last few years. And on that quest I have sought  high and low, near and far to find out who I really was. Who I thought that I wanted to be. Only I never found myself in the places that I looked. I found me in the last place I thought I'd find me: right where I left myself. The only difference is that I'm older, more mature, and more hip than I remember being before. Or maybe, I've stayed the same and the experiences I've had only served to positively change my self  image. And it's funny to me, how I find bits of God in me (it really shouldn't surprise me, I, just as everyone else who has ever lived, have been made in God's image). God showed Himself to one of His prophets, Elijah. Although, God did not appear in the "normal" places that one would seek for Him. He wasn't in the wind. He wasn't in the earthquake. He wasn't in the fire. He was in a whisper. The last place anyone would ever think to find the God of the universe would be in a small, tiny whisper.

I am so thankful for the new found freedom that God has been giving me. Taste and see that The Lord is good. And praise God- His mercies endure forever and ever!

Amazing Blessings

Hello again everyone! I know it's been too long since I've been on here last, but hey, that's life. At least I'm back. :)

God has been doing some amazing things with me recently. To begin with, I was stressed to the max with my old job. Yep, you read right. OLD job. :) He's moved me to a small company called PeachMac headquartered out of Athens, they are like an Apple Store. I'm working there part time right now, afternoons, as the assistant to the office manager. Currently my main task is to process the accounts payable for all the stores (there are five locations). It's a fantastic job and wonderful company. Everyone one I work with is wonderful, especially my new boss, Cheryl (the office manager). I am so blessed to be able to learn how to manage a small business from her. She's a wonderful and talented lady, so full of wisdom. Words can not describe how blessed I am to be in this position. :)

On another front: I'm almost done with my yoga classes for my 100 hour teacher certification program. I've got just a few more classes left and by May 1st- it's all over. So starting next month I'm going to begin teaching my own beginner's level yoga classes. :) I've already been doing some student teaching and it has been a blast! I still feel inadequate when I teach, but I figure it will disappear with time and practice. And if it doesn't, well, God has a tendency to use people who are inadequate to do the job so He gets all the glory. Which is what I'm going for anyway. I want to use yoga to bring people closer to Christ. After all, our bodies are His temple. We have all been bought with a price, therefore, let us all honor God with our bodies.

Another HUGE blessing that God gave me recently is the healing of a rocky relationship. To be honest, it was about dead. But, God has brought it back to life. And not only is it alive once more, but it is more alive now than it ever was before. It's like it was dark and stormy for years and now the dark clouds are gone, the sky is blue, the sun is shining and birds are singing. When I think about what He has done, all I can do is praise. I am so thankful for the blessings that He is raining down on me this spring.

There is nothing that is happening to me that I could have done on my own. For in my weakness, He is strong. Hallelujah!