It's a "No"

I believe that God gives one of three answers to prayer: "yes", "no" or "wait". After much prayer and seeking with Christian counsel (the hubs, LOG, and those in the teaching field) I have come to the solemn conclusion that seeking a position in teaching is not where God wants me to go. Not yet anyway. Every time that I would pray for guidance, God would respond back with news reports or counsel telling me that now is not the time, this is not the economy. With so much negativity, I feel the breeze go by as He gently closes the door. I have spent much time in prayer and thought about going back to school and earning (yet another) degree (like the two I have are lonely). I've decided that it would not be worth the expense of time and money to attend school for a degree that I'm not even 100% sure that I would enjoy the field.

I do wonder though if I misinterpreted the calling of taking the GACE. If He didn't want me to be a teacher at this point, then why take it? Why would He want me to spend His money like that? To work toward something that did not achieve the outcome that seemed so obvious? As I continue reading Beth Moore's new book (So Long Insecurity) I wonder if it was to boost the confidence I have in myself; to prove to myself that I am, with His help, capable of more than I imagine.

Now the question at hand becomes, where does He want me to go next. In the mean time, I will do the only thing I know how at this point: continue doing what He called me to do last (what I am certain of) and wait for Him.

Where To Go From Here

I'm at a cross roads. I have been for a few weeks. Ever since I took the GACE I have been looking forward to this spring. This was supposed to be the spring that I found a teaching job for next year. Although, at this moment it doesn't look good. I've had a couple of people tell me that it would be best to go back and get my teaching degree. After all, in this economy no one has any jobs right now and most places are looking to cut back. A few of the local school systems are even laying off teachers as well as members of their admin staff. So now, not only am I competing against newly certified teachers (straight out of school) but I'm also competing with experienced teachers who have been laid off due to financial restraints on the school systems. I thought that I'd have a slight competitive advantage over my competition because I would work cheaper since I'm not officially certified yet. Although, as my grandmother said to me, so is everyone else out there- they are willing to cut back what they were earning just to get a job. At least I still have my day job. I've just really started wondering if this is the timing that God wanted or have I rushed into something. Does He want me to go back to school to get another degree that I don't know if we can afford (not to mention a degree in something I'm not 100% sure I'm going to enjoy). Lots of unanswered questions. I can only be still and continue to do the work that He has assigned me while I wait.

Security in Christ

I've been doing this really great book/ Bible study with my friends recently. We started reading the book So Long Insecurity: You've been a bad friend to us by Beth Moore in early February. To be completely honest, I knew I had some issues to work through, but the deeper I get into the book, I find more and more insecurity issues. I have realized that I have been masking them under different names or clustering one particular issue with another. Since these additional issues have been brought to my attention, God has been all over me! It first started with the book then He threw in some verses from my quiet time. The next thing I know, He starts sending messages- like they were made for my eyes only- via email of daily devotions sent to my BlackBerry. It was sooo eerie reading something in the book one evening, pondering it over at night, to wake up to a devotion that gives me some insight into the SAME THING the next morning. He's been leading me down this particular path the last week or so. He started with reminding me that I must choose Him everyday; I will find my strength in Him alone, but I must go to Him to gather what I need (like manna in the desert). Then He reminded me that my old self is gone and dead and that He lives in me now so I must change my thinking to be like His thinking, my thoughts to be like His. No more thinking bad things about myself; I am a new creation. To renew my mind so I no longer follow the pattern of this world. When I had these emails pop up, I really just chucked it up to a subtle reminder from God. He has other things in mind.

I finished reading a couple chapters in my book that really opened my eyes. The first had story after story about times when women let insecurity get the best of them. It really hit home for me because I saw myself in so many of the reactions. Then came the chapter about our God given dignity. I read through it and didn't think much of it until I went to the blog that Beth set up to discuss the book. Each week we read a couple of chapters and then answer some questions. The final question that Beth posted last week was about what we think dignity is. I realized then (and posted as such) that I didn't really have much of an idea of what it is or how I would show it (to be honest, I don't think I have too much currently, I don't seem that dignified to myself, anyway). I didn't think too deeply into dignity, only to figure that God will show me what is to Him and help me to experience it in my life in due time. Well due time began the next morning. I have a short quiet time over breakfast while reading the daily devotionals that are sent to my BB. Lo and behold- one of the devotionals is entitled "Becoming a Woman of Dignity". The writer then quotes the EXACT SAME SCRIPTURE THAT BETH USED in the book that I read the day before. Only this author tells what dignity is to her. It sent chills up my spine. Barley 12 hours before, I was posting a comment to a blog about how I didn't really know/ understand dignity and here God was showing me. It left me speechless. And slightly apprehensive about the future. I have no idea what He's got in store, but I know He is working on me as I write. Thankfully, I can trust Him; His will be done.

Peace and Quiet

Wow. I can't believe that it's already March. This year is already flying by! Not much has changed since my last post. Things are still slow on the job hunt. My schedule has tapered down some this week. I've limited myself to just one evening activity this week- and killer yoga session on Monday. It was fantastic. I went to Heather's strength and toning class, and boy did we work our muscles. I worked muscles that I didn't even know I had. Brutal! Surprisingly, I wasn't crippled the last few days like I was expecting to be. I figured that John would have to pull me out of the bed in the mornings, but I got up ok. I had some tenderness in my arms, shoulders and upper back for a couple of days, but it wasn't too bad. It's been nice having a few quiet days. I've been able to catch up on my reading (I've been reading Beth Moore's new book called So Long Insecurity) and I've been able to spend some more time with John. Overall things are going well. I'm just enjoying this quiet spell before things get hectic again next week. I've got another busy one planned. LOG and I should be getting together sometime, then Friday it's off to visit my Grandparents for the day only to come home and clean the house for dinner guests on Saturday night. I'm so excited about the Saturday after next- homemade pizza nite with my parents and sister and bro-in-law. Yum... I haven't had our homemade pizza in about a year or two. It's going to be so good. But never as good as it is at Dad's house (it's always better there for some reason). TTYL!