Ok. I know I say this every time I blog, but gee it really has been a while since I've been on here. Really, it only feels like a few day (a couple of weeks at the most). It reminds me of a saying that my parents told me time and time again growing up: "The older you get, the faster time flies". Or as my Dad sums it up "Time travels exponentially". Thanks Mom and Dad. It's scary to think about how right they were/ are. It's even scarier to think that if they were right about this, what else were they right about... Maybe I should have listened closer... hmmm...
I keep having this particular thought cross back and forth through my mind the last few week (ok, I'll be honest, months). And the thought is this: I can't compete with fake. Sure, I could make my best attempt at competing with fake, but in order to do so, I would need to adopt some "fake" tendencies. That I am not willing to do. I have been down that road before. Sure it starts out nice and paved, but before I know it I've unintentionally driven directly into enemy territory. I'm out of gas, stuck in the mud, and am surrounded by the unrelenting enemy. To top it all off, I'm in a hurricane and I've run out of bullets. Needless to say, since I made it out alive, I don't really want to take that short cut again. So, I don't allow myself the "luxuries" of fake. Instead, I have taken the "safer" route. The natural route.
But it's hard being natural in a fake world. Though I've surrounded myself with like minded friends (those who love, appreciate and encourage my natural side), I still find it difficult some days. Most days really. For me it's so easy to look at the inside of others and to not pay much attention to the package. But for some reason I struggle with treating myself with the same respect. Maybe it's because I know my strongholds. I know where I've been. I know I hold myself to a nearly unreachable standard. Why? Why do I struggle? Why does this have to be so hard? Why am I making this so hard on myself?
Start where you are. My friend, Heather, reminded me of this just yesterday in yoga class. It's a concept we discuss often in the studio. It's all about accepting yourself for how you are right now. Where you are right now. It's not about judging yourself or feeling guilty about where you feel like you should be, but about the here and now. True acceptance.
Love comes from within. I am so thankful that I'm a born again Christian. That I've got the living breathing God of the Universe living in my body. I want my body to be a nice, comfortable and clean place for Him to live. I believe that my body is His temple (1 Cor. 6:19-20). I have heard it stated that you can't show someone love unless you love yourself. Love comes after acceptance. I am thankful that through His grace and mercy I can love myself. Through His power and love, I can show others His love. Lord, thank You that though I am still a work in progress, You can still use me to show Your love to others.
I have also been reminded recently of a saying from Joyce Meyer: "I may not be where I should be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be!" Some days are still a struggle. I fear they may always be. But thinking back on where I've come from, how far God has brought me, helps to give me some courage to face the days when the view is more of a mountain than a mole hill.
Lord, please help us all to face the enemy head on, donned with our armor, with You as our banner and our rearguard. May our eyes be opened to see the the army that You have provided for us (2 Kings 6:17). The battle is not our own, but Your's, Lord. Amen.
Scripture for thought:
"Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us, that we may live in his presence." ~Hosea 6:1-2
